Goal Setting for the New Year – With Laura Tremblay

In this episode, I sit down with Catholic Life Coach, Laura Tremblay to talk about goal setting and how to set achievable goals for yourself and your relationship as we begin a new year!

About Laura

Laura Jean is a dynamic woman of God, following His plan for her in forming His children. As a life coach, she helps young Catholic women integrate their faith into their daily lives, hold them accountable to their goals, provide actionable steps to achieve said goals, and help them discern what it is the Lord created them to be.

InstagramĀ @laurajeantremblay
EmailĀ theblvedcollective@gmail.com

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Instagram @annmlosinski
Email me at catholicbrides@gmail.com
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Ann Losinski 0:15
Welcome back to the Catholic brides podcast. My name is Ann and I am your host, and today I am joined by Laura Tremblay, I’m super excited to have her on the show. She is a Catholic life coach, so she works with Catholic woman specifically to help foster and grow her life. Deep community and things like that in regards to what in the Catholic faith. Welcome to the show, Laura.

Laura 0:45
Hi, thanks for having me.

Ann Losinski 0:47
Why don’t we start by you just telling us a little bit more about yourself what you do. Yeah.

Laura 0:53
Yeah, great. So, like you mentioned I’m a Catholic life coach. I’ve worked with in woman’s ministry. For a long time, and I love it I love working with women to help them grow, grow closer to the Lord, and closer to each other. And so I’m offering life coaching to young Catholic women to help them integrate their lives, so that everything is made from the relationship you have with Jesus Christ. all your decisions and that and actions come from that relationship, instead of being made in opposition to that relationship so your life is in harmony.

Ann Losinski 1:40
That’s super good. I, I know that this podcast is primarily for brides So specifically, engaged couples and women that are in their first couple of years of marriage. So I’m wondering if we could talk a little bit about like specifically. Integrating a prayer life, and setting it kind of goals for yourself but also integrating that in that with a spouse or relationship. If that makes sense?

Laura 2:13
Yeah, totally. I think that goals are super super important. In, like all aspects of life, and they not only give you motivation to do what you have to do to achieve those goals. But they also help you look forward to them, and all that good stuff so I definitely recommend setting some goals for yourself in your personal life, maybe up of a business your business with your faith like specifically that can look prayer goals. Virtue goals you know if you’re working towards a specific virtue ways to grow in holiness, that type of thing. and then also to set goals in your relationship with your spouse or significant other, you know we’re called to with our spouses and significant others to grow together in faith, and so sending some clear goals for the relationship is going to be a really complete and bring a lot of light to your relationship. There are lots of other goals so you can make in your relationship. So, for example, have communication goals I know you probably talk a lot about communication on this podcast, but setting some goals so that you’re always learning and growing and you’re not staying stagnant and things like that.

Ann Losinski 3:49
Yeah, I like how you said that, um, but it’s important to set your own personal goals like for yourself. And like the different areas of life there. But as well as alongside setting goals with your spouse, because I think it’s super important that a lot of people forget that once you enter into a relationship, you’re still you’re working on that relationship obviously but you also still have to work on yourself, because it doesn’t automatically go away once you like you’re not automatically perfect once you enter into that relationship so I like how you mentioned that it’s super important to set those goals for yourself as well.

Laura 4:28
Yes, it’s super important as well as you’re preparing for marriage, even if you’re single, like, and preparing for marriage like you believe that that’s your future vocation, you can prepare now. Right to set goals for yourself so that you can grow into that wife and mother that you want to meet. And so, yeah setting goals for yourself so that you continue to grow, not only in your relationship, but as a better woman as a better wife a better mother as a better. Whatever your goal is, you know, always grow, and that’s the goal, we’re not called to be stagnant, we are you know the Lord says be perfect as your heavenly Father. And that’s really hard. We’re called to continue to grow, you know, setting goals are going to help you get there,

Ann Losinski 5:28
for sure. Do you have a specific like process you go through when you’re setting like setting up goals for yourself.

Laura 5:37
Yes, so a few things that I do is first pick categories. So we kind of mentioned that before. Like your personal life goals. If you’re a business your business goals. faith life goals and your relationship goals, those are a few categories you can have more or less, but that’s the first thing I do is I break it down. Because if I kind of look at everything. They’ll get mushed together and it’s confusing so I break them up into categories, and I go through something that’s called.. I make my goals. According to something that’s called SMART goals. It’s an acronym. So smart stands for specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely. So all of these aspects when you’re creating a goal or setting a goal. All of these aspects have to be met. Because it just makes it a lot easier if you have some unrealistic goal. You’re never going to achieve it right kind of unrealistic. So, we can take an example for a second. So say we’re working on a relationship goal and it’s a prayer goal so let’s be specific. We are going to write a rosary. Once a week together that’s specific. It’s measurable because if you do it once, then you’ve achieved it. Right, it’s achievable, you can take 15 minutes and pray with your spouse or your significant other, it’s realistic. It’s not asking too much. And it’s timely you set a time on it, right, you can say by next month, I want to have a weekly rosary. Right. So that is a smart people. Does that make sense?

Ann Losinski 7:33
Yeah that does make sense. So if we’re looking at this as a SMART goal. What are some things that we can do to make sure that each of the categories are met, because sometimes realistic and measurable can vary depending on the person. So what are some things that we can do to make sure that it’s good for us, because it is specific to different people.

Laura 7:56
Exactly. You’re so right. It’s going to be specific to different people. And what is realistic and achievable in one person’s life is not going to fit into another right so you really have to take into consideration, your specific. The place where you’re at. Right. And always looking to expand and grow, but not do something that is unattainable or unrealistic. So even when I’m saying these things it’s not going to be the same for you or for whoever’s listening. So really I would suggest that you take some time and think about, really, honestly, take a look at where you are. Take a look at what you have been doing, whether good or bad, you know just really take an honest look at your life, to, to kind of come to a clearer understanding of what these things mean to you. You know specific is kind of understand what specific mean measurable. That’s gonna look like. It’s a specific number or a specific time frame, or something like that, but achievable and realistic are gonna be different people. So, really take a look at what you can do and not. I think that temptation is to like over commit yourself or, or over assume that you can do something, like for example I am struggling with chronic illness. And so a lot of things that I used to be able to do, and want to do, but I can’t. So, I have to be really honest with myself and my limits. And in order to make achievable and realistic goals.

Ann Losinski 9:57
And that makes a lot of sense but it definitely varies based on the person, and because making sure that what’s achievable and realistic for you or for somebody else might not be for you so that you have to reevaluate, maybe I can make my goal, longer longer term goal, or maybe. Maybe it’s something that I can do but it’s just going to take more baby steps and make sense.

Laura 10:25
Yes, yes. And I want to mention so the time it takes you more time to do something and that is to completely fine. Also if it’s a goal that stretches you, but you may not achieve it like we have to kind of have a balance between setting goals and trying our best to achieve them and also be able to detach from the outcome, in case my job. And not to get, not to beat up on ourselves and say, we’re not good enough we didn’t do it. But to say, hey, maybe I’m living ready, and I tried my best, and that is good enough. Right. So to really give ourselves, grace, and things like that. Also to keep in mind when you’re making goals with a partner within your relationship to keep this in mind. Keep in mind that achievable and realistic look different for different people so when you’re making a common goal. Make sure that you’re taking the other person’s limitations, and where they’re at in their lives into consideration. So that you’re on the same page and speak for them and communicate about it I think that’s the best advice that you give is just be open and be really honest with each other. When making these goals, because that’s really going to support each other best.

Ann Losinski 11:59
For sure. I really like the point that you made about how we need to be detached from the outcome, because sometimes like we set these goals, and we think they’re achievable, but they might not be achievable in that time frame and just to have that surrender and that detachment i think is super beautiful.

Laura 12:20
Yes, it is. And that to me is that, to realize that our worth, and our dignity does not rest take what we can achieve, but rather than resting us, right. So, we have our words and our dignity and nakedness in nothing we do or not do, and give it to us or take it away. Right. So, being gentle, and giving yourself grace when we don’t achieve those goals and being detached from that is really key to help us not put our worth, and our dignity in those holes.

Ann Losinski 13:07
For sure. So while the true advice be for somebody who’s setting these goals but then doesn’t achieve them like obviously being detached from it is good, but there has to be a point I’m assuming that you would have to pick up the pieces and continue on whether that’s setting a new goal or abandoning the goal and setting a different goal that’s similar. And what would your advice be there

Laura 13:30
Sure I think what’s really going to be helpful in that situation is to look at the progress and measure the progress we did make and you have actually achieved the goal. A lot of times when you’re breaking down goals, you have to break them down into smaller steps anyway. So if you’re, you know, coming up to the timeframe that you’ve set for yourself, and you look at what you have achieved in comparison to what your goal was measure how far you’ve gone, and that is going to tell you, you just need a little bit more than that had more time. Maybe the something came up and you got sick or had to take care of a family or work without sex whatever the thing you didn’t really achieve anything than you can look up and say this is still realistic. It’s just not. For now, not for right now, and revising goals I think is really great. I wouldn’t say that just throw up goals I know it’s tempting to, you know, maybe get a month in is too hard, and to try it out. But don’t do that. If anything, revise it, give yourself more time and look for ways to help you achieve that goal. If that looks like asking for help, ask for help. If that looks like learning something that you’ve had no idea about ask someone to help you learn that thing. Go find my course go find something you know there’s so many things out there for growth. And for help. And for education so you have you excuse. really. So yeah, but I would, I would check in with yourself. As you’re chugging along as you’re working on why finance you’re working on your goals to kind of check in every once in a while to measure where you are in your goals, so that you know you have to allocate a little bit more time to a specific goal. In order to make it on time for the deadline, that type of thing. Just to keep checking in with yourself and with your goals, so that you don’t forget it. And that you’re you’re on track.

Ann Losinski 16:13
For sure. I think one question I had was mentioned like keeping track of your goals. Is there a way that it’s easy to keep track your, your goals to like come up with a system whether that’s like writing it down on sticky notes or using some sort of program. What if What is your preference there.

Laura 16:32
Sure. So the best way, the best system is going to be the system that works for you. Right. So, I like writing down a paper, and when I make goals I write them down in a place where I can go back and look at them. So paper is kind of the medium that I use, but to kind of answer your question about measuring them as you’re going along. And what’s going to be key here is breaking down the goals. And so, If I can give you kind of a visual. If I’m writing this down on a piece of paper, I write my goal at the top in the timeline below it. And then I have sort of like a to do list where, like, there are spots where I can check off, and I break down that goal. So, for example, let’s look at a goal here. For example, the my personal clear goal is to start praying rosary every day. So I’m going to break that down into Okay, I’m going to start with one rosary once a week. And once I’ve done that for two weeks, I’m going to make it to rosaries per week for another two, and then three rotaries per week for another two. And so I’m breaking that down and I’m going to have a middle section where I can check off. When I completed one of those things. So that’s a really easy way to measure how far you’ve come in your goal. Don’t break it down, and then go back to wherever you’ve written down your goals, and to check on it that way. And I would suggest that you set a time to check on your goals. So maybe if you’re making like monthly goals, make it a point to check your progress, every week. If you maybe set a goal for six months out maybe take some time to check in every other week and set reminders on your phone in your calendar and just say, check on goals, you know, and it won’t take long. But it will be intention and you putting the intentionality behind it is going to pay off.

Ann Losinski 19:13
Yeah, that’s beautiful. I really like how your steps to your goal were kind of like the specific one that you just mentioned with the rosary like building up to that goal in that specific way because I think a lot of times people get overwhelmed because they like have a goal, and they like try to make their steps in to the goal. And it’s not like building up to it but it’s like, in order to achieve this goal I need to do XYZ. So like the rosary example it’s like, I can start praying the rosary every single day. My goal steps might be set a time or like, pick the time that works for each day of the week and then do it that way, rather than hey I’ll build up to this goal by just starting, and preparing myself with something attainable. So I think that’s super important to, to like, look at what’s attainable and start adding on to that, instead of just making little like a checklist of things that you can do right away to kind of achieve it, if that makes sense.

Laura 20:21
Totally and that it helps to combat one of the biggest temptations I behind in all studying, is because if you set a goal, say that example to pray rosary every day. And your to do list is literally just say the rosary every day and miss a day, like come on dude or miss a day. How does that make you feel that kind of puts you back. You know, it can put you back in achieving that because the next day you’ll be like, I missed yesterday so does it really matter if I do it today. Right, so it gives us a little bit more realistic expectation to work our way up. And another thing that I want to point out is that keeping our promises to ourselves is so important because if we tell ourselves that we’re going to do something, and continually break that promise to ourselves, then our brain, and our heart and soul they’re just not going to be insane. You’re not going to believe yourself. So, in setting your goals, you’re making a promise to yourself that you’re going to achieve this. And so, build your steps to your goals. With that in mind, and just make sure that you’re trying your best to keep your promise to yourself. That is the biggest piece of advice I think I would give it you know you don’t learn anything else from this. But just to keep your promises to yourself that’s going to help your mental health tremendously. And what that’s going to do, if you do that consistently is it’s going to tell your brain that I can do anything I set my set my sights on because you’ve been able to do everything that you’ve said so far. Right. So, obviously, keeping in mind was achievable and realistic and everything. But that just tried to really keep your promises to yourself that’s huge.

Ann Losinski 22:44
I really like that. How do you think this plays in when you’re working with another person say your spouse or your boyfriend,

Laura 22:53
as, as like keeping promises to yourself, or to them.

Ann Losinski 22:58
Yeah, like keeping promises to yourself and like, Yeah,

Laura 23:02
right. So, in, in coming up with goals for your relationship. Whether your spouse or your boyfriend. You’re coming to these conclusions the goals together, but you both individually have to choose to accept them. Does that make sense? So, maybe, for example, your boyfriend comes up with a goal. And the goal of maybe doing a 30 day 33 day consecration to Mary range accountable, he does. And you have to choose for yourself to accept that. Because if we don’t choose it ourselves. We are going to be resentful and kind of do it out of duty rather than have that personal motivation that personal push right which is really important for motivation. So I would say, we have to choose them first, first of all, and that automatically when you choose it. You can’t get out of yourself that you’re making a promise to yourself. So that’s kind of where that comes in.

Ann Losinski 24:16
That makes sense. Yeah, I really like how you said that you have to make that personal commitment to yourself and I think that’s really important. So I think in relationships we think hey, we’re gonna make the goal together, and one person might come up with it. But then the other person might just go along with it because that’s what the other person came up with rather than actually like accepting it for themselves. And because they love the other person so they want the other person to be happy so they’re just kind of going with the flow. So I think that yeah it is very important to be aware of that. And if you’re not okay with it, communicate about it, but making sure that you’re taking that additional step to accept it for yourself.

Laura 25:06
Absolutely. And I think that even having that conversation of like exclusively about choosing a goal to somebody when you are making them. Because this might not be super clear to you know spouse or boyfriend. Right now, or it might not have even been clear to you before you listen to this so make sure you just take a little bit of time before you start setting goals with your significant other, to just kind of be like, Listen, we’re coming at this as a team effort. And if one of us come to us with an idea. We have to be really honest about what we think about it. In order that we can choose it for ourselves as well, because that’s really going to be the driving force behind achieving these goals. And I was talking to someone the other day and she was asking about setting goals within relationships, and she was a little bit hesitant about it because they weren’t very far in their relationship and she was worried about emotional chastity boundaries. Right. And so what I said to her was just be super honest about it. Open up the conversation with. Hey, I want to set some goals you know your time this week to come together and set some goals. You know, here are a few things that are off limits like we’re not going to talk about timeline. You know, if you’re not talking about engagement yet. We’re not gonna talk about the timeline for engagement, we are you know not going to. We’re not going to reach some of those topics. And just like be honest, and it’s okay to say, I’m uncomfortable with talking about this right now. Can we maybe not, like, if this person loves you the way that they should they should totally be willing to say, Okay, if you’re comfortable with that, that’s okay. And we can move on and talk about something else. So I just want to mention that I’m opening on it, and if you’re comfortable with anything about how quickly things go. When you start talking about goals, and they start looking at timelines and things like that it’s okay to say no to say for sure.

Ann Losinski 27:42
Another question I have for you that I’ve been kind of asking all of my guests. That kind of not related to any of this, but what is your favorite Bible verse or passage.

Laura 27:55
Gosh, there’s so many. I really, I really like the passage in this when Mary Elizabeth, and she says, you know, what’s the name of Gabriel that just come to her and she is pondering all these things in our hearts. I have always loved that quote because I’m an introvert and I do a lot of internal thinking. And it just, It just shows how important that meditating on the mysteries of the Lord and in your own life, how important that that meditation is and how important it is to really think through things and ponder them and not to live our lives just jumping from one thing to another, but to let the lessons really sink in. So I have always loved that perhaps beautiful yeah I really love that quote too I’m also an introvert so that quote also speaks to my heart, as well.

Ann Losinski 29:08
Well, thank you. If people want to find you like on social media or anywhere else. Where can they do that.

Yeah, so I’m on Instagram, my handle is @laurajeantremblay, like my full name. I also you can send me an email at the beloved collective beloved is spelled b l v, e d.

Laura 29:35
So my email is the blvedcollective@gmail.com, so you can send me an email there or find me on Instagram.

Ann Losinski 29:43
Perfect. And then, did you want to mention about your coaching program briefly.

Laura 29:50
Yes. So, I am a Catholic life coach like the beginning and I offer full coaching, but typically right now with everything going on, I am offering mini coaching in the topics of prayer and building community. I really made these things I saw a huge need for it, especially with being in quarantine for many months that a lot of PR lives are lacking, and people are really looking for community and how to build that. So I’ve made these mini coaching. So you don’t have to, you know, sign up for full coaching yet, but this is a great way to dip your toe in and learn more about yourself, learn about prayer and learn about building community.

Ann Losinski 30:45
Awesome. I will put all of the links to Laura and her Instagram and everything in the comment section. But this show in the show notes, and you can find her there. Thank you so much for joining us, Laura.

Laura 31:01
Thank you for having me.

Ann Losinski 31:03
Thanks everybody for joining and we will see you again in the next episode.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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